Screwed.edu
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
