I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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