I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
