I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
