im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
