I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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