Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
