A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
