Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
