you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
