I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
