I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
