So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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