Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just invented taco cereal.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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