She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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