Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
