You're my little dorito
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
