Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
