Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
