Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
