someone threw a dead crab at me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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