Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
