I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
