Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
