And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
