Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
