my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
