Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize