im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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