if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize