Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
