i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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