I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
