her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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