i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
