And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
