so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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