Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found puke in my bra..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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