All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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