i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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