he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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