She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize