I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So many bounce houses so little time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
