UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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