you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
