I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
