did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
