Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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