I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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