I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
