First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
