are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
