i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
