evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
