dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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