OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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