chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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