You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
