My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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