But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
