Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
