Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
