I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
