i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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